If you are a parent, you are well aware that there are times when your feelings can get the better of you.
Children have an uncanny ability to push buttons that adults aren’t even aware they have.
You suddenly find yourself screaming at the top of your lungs before you really realize what’s happening.
You are not the only parent who does that, and your sentiments of dissatisfaction as a parent are very acceptable.
The encouraging news is that you are free to alter the manner in which you communicate with your child, shifting from an angry monologue to a respectful discourse with them.
Why do parents get so worked up?
Because we are feeling overwhelmed or upset, which causes us to speak louder than we should, is the quick answer.
However, that only seldom resolves the problem. It is possible that the children will be quiet and obedient for a short period of time, but it will not cause them to change the way that they behave or the way they think.
In a nutshell, it instills fear of you in them rather than an understanding of the consequences that come from their conduct.
Children are dependent on their parents as educational resources.
If a child believes that expressing anger and the aggression that comes along with it, such as shouting, is “normal” in their household, it will be reflected in the child’s conduct.
After ensuring that your children are safe, the most important thing you can do as a parent is to take care of yourself emotionally.
The consequences of using a loud voice
If you have ever been yelled at, you are aware that raising your volume does not result in a more understandable delivery of the message. Your children are no different!
Each time you raise your voice, they become less receptive to what you are saying, which makes it more difficult to discipline them if you shout at them.
Studies have shown, that yelling at children leads to an increase in both their physical and verbal levels of aggression.
An expression of wrath is being yelled in general, and this holds true regardless of the setting.
Children are frightened and made to feel uneasy as a result of it.
On the other hand, calmness is reassuring, and it helps youngsters feel loved and accepted in spite of their misbehavior when it is exhibited by adults.
If yelling at children is not a healthy thing to do, then yelling at children while also insulting them verbally and putting them down can be considered emotional abuse. It can have long-term impact, such as anxiety, low self-esteem, and increased aggression.
Because of this, youngsters have a distorted view of what are healthy boundaries and how to respect themselves, which makes them more vulnerable to being bullied.
Alternatives to yelling or screaming at someone
The ability to effectively discipline a child increases when the child has a deep emotional connection to his or her parents.
When children have a sense of security and are loved without condition, they are more likely to be responsive to conversation and listen before a disagreement develops into an episode of violent shouting.
Here is a way to exercise constructive discipline that does not involve raising your voice in an angry manner.
1. Take a moment to regroup and take a break.
Regain control of your emotions before they get out of hand and cause you to lash out or raise your voice.
By removing yourself physically from the volatile situation for a short while, you give yourself the opportunity to reevaluate the situation and take some slow, deep breaths, both of which will assist you in becoming less anxious.
Your children will learn not only how to set limits but also how to deal with intense feelings in a constructive manner if you do this.
2. Discuss your feelings with others.
Anger is a normal emotion that can serve as a learning opportunity if it is managed appropriately.
You may educate your children that happiness, excitement, sadness, rage, jealously, and frustration are all part of the human experience by showing them that you acknowledge all of our feelings. This includes everything from joy and excitement to wrath, jealousy, and frustration.
Have open conversations with your kids about your emotions and urge them to do the same.
They will be better able to create healthy connections later in life as a result of this, as well as develop an attitude of respect toward themselves and others.
3. Address unacceptable behavior in a calm but forceful manner.
There are times when children act inappropriately. That’s just a natural part of their growing and maturing process.
Communicate with children in a manner that is forceful yet respectful of their dignity, and make it quite clear that certain behaviors will not be permitted.
Instead of speaking to them from a height or from a distance, get down to their level and talk to them there.
While doing so, keep in mind the importance of recognizing polite behavior as well as problem solutions between themselves.
4. Make use of repercussions, but omit intimidating language.
Threats and punishment, can result in an increase in the amount of anger, resentment, and conflict that are experienced.
They inhibit your child from establishing an internal sense of discipline over the course of time.
Children feel humiliated and ashamed when they are threatened or punished, and this causes them to feel uneasy.
On the other hand, children are helped to make better decisions when they are presented with consequences that target a specific action but also come with a fair warning (for example, taking away a toy after explaining that toys are for playing and not for hitting).
Having fundamental needs satisfied, including sleep and hunger, keeps kids happy and makes for better behavior overall.
Establishing routines can make them feel less stressed and will lessen the likelihood that they will act erratically.
What to do if you yell
No matter how effective your plan is to stop you from yelling, there will be instances when you still find yourself yelling.
It’s all good. If you admit fault and offer an apology, you will teach your children a valuable lesson: that we must all own our shortcomings and seek forgiveness when necessary.
If your children have a habit of yelling, it is important to set limits for them and explain why shouting is not an acceptable form of communication. They need to be aware that you are willing to listen to them as long as they respect you.
When you are feeling sad or stressed, set an example for your children by taking a moment for yourself to compose yourself before having a conversation with them.
You will be able to assist them build habits that will last a lifetime and make it easier for them to manage conflict.
This will instill in your children an appreciation for human fallibility, both their own and that of others, as well as the understanding that forgiveness is an essential skill for maintaining good lines of communication within the family.
If you have relied solely on yelling to discipline your children up to this point, you are undoubtedly experiencing the results of that practice:
- Your children may find that yelling is the most effective way for them to communicate with one another.
- Instead of talking to you in a respectful manner, they talk back and may even yell at you.
- Your relationship with them is precarious and unstable, to the point that you are unable to communicate in a manner that is beneficial to your health.
- It’s possible that they will distance themselves from you and start looking to their friends for guidance rather than to you.
You have the ability to alter all of that! To get started, have an open and honest conversation with your children about the dangers of yelling and why expressing your emotions in such a way is not good for your mental or physical health.
Create a peaceful atmosphere in your house by encouraging individuals to speak with one another in a manner that shows respect and acknowledges the emotions of others without pointing fingers, making accusations, or passing judgments.
A promise that is voiced out loud maintains an open line of communication and holds each member of the family accountable.
If you make mistakes, don’t give up. Although it is not a simple path, it is one that is well worth traveling.
Is the source of your wrath too hard to control?
Recognizing that you have a problem is the first step toward learning how to manage it. If your anger frequently spills over onto your children and you have trouble controlling your temper on a regular basis, the first step toward learning how to manage your anger is to acknowledge that you have a problem.
This will help you feel better about yourself and will allow you to speak with your children in a calm and caring manner. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help. A therapist can help you learn strategies to stay calm and prevent outbursts, and they can also assist you in repairing the damage that anger has caused to the relationships you have with the people you care about.